


The Train Station

by thebiwriter



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 02:58:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3471890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebiwriter/pseuds/thebiwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth goes to the train station and decides to call Paul one last time, but makes a realization after the call goes to voicemail.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Train Station

“Pick up the phone, Paul, I’m begging you.” Beth Childs paces the train station platform, phone in hand. Paul Dierden‘s cell had been ringing off the hook for the past twenty-five minutes. Beth didn’t want to have to do this over voicemail, but she was left with no other choice. Brushing a few strands of hair out of her eyes, Beth clears her throat and begins her last message.

“I am so, so sorry. I never wanted this to happen. But I just… Can’t, Paul, not anymore. I can’t be strong enough for the both of us. I can’t love for the both of us, not forever. I loved you more than anything and I just… No.” Beth says, clenching her jaw. _I’m not sad_ , Beth thinks, _but what am I then? Who am I?_

“I just don’t understand how you could let fool myself into thinking you loved me. I thought you were my dream man.” More importantly, who is this girl talking?

“My sexy, ripped, loving boyfriend, my Paul. My very own piece of Heaven.” Beth snorts bitterly. _It’s definitely me. Christ, who am I anymore? And when did I become the type of girl who’d apologize to some asshole instead of ripping him a new one? I knew exactly who I was. I was- am Elizabeth Childs and I’m…_ Beth pauses, searching for the words to describe the emotions buried so deep within her. _I’m angry. I’m fucking furious and I’m not just gonna continue to let him think that I’m some sad little girl, trapped in a loveless relationship that I can never leave. I can’t believe I would even consider suicide. Just one, I’m few, no family too. What am I? I’m Elizabeth fucking Childs, a fighter, a survivor. And I’m not about to let some jackass rule my emotions, especially when he doesn’t even feel the same way about me._

“Y’know what, Paul, scratch all that bullshit. God I was so naive. You didn’t love me. I don’t know if you ever did. I know that you never will. And the booze and the pills and all that shit was an attempt to forget, to lull myself into believing otherwise and you let me. Fuck you, Paul. You let me dig myself into a self destructive hole, some transgressive spiral and did NOTHING to help me. Nothing. You just stood back and watched me tear at the seams. You are nothing but a coward, a filthy, dirty coward.” Beth is shouting into her phone now, barely registering the announcer calling the train schedule over the intercoms. “I want you out- I want you out of my life, out of my body, and out of my head you asshole. I’ve asked and begged you to leave, to get away from me if you didn’t love me. Fuck begging, I’m leaving. I’m going to pack all my things and clean out our joint bank account. You are a sickening excuse for a human being and I see that now, I’m so glad I finally see that. You’re not my friend, Paul, and you never will be. You’re not even my boyfriend, you’re nothing. I’ll be staying with a friend for now. You don’t know her, so don’t bother trying to find me.” _Ali will let me stay with her, surely._ Beth almost ends the voice mail, but comes to her senses after realizing she’d nearly forgotten about the biggest bombshell of all. “And guess what? I know about your surveillance of me, you sick fuck. Fuck you. Fuck you in the ass with a fucking cactus you genuine piece of shit.” Beth leans on a column and lowers her voice.

“I want you to understand what they did to me. They strapped me to a table and took blood samples from me and some other really shady shit, okay? They medically examined me in my sleep, Paul. And you let them. You let them into our home, you let them stick needles into me, you bastard. God, fuck you! I can’t say that enough.” Beth sighs shakily and cracks her knuckles.   
“Three months ago, I couldn’t imagine life without you. Now, it’s the only thing on my mind. So goodbye, Paul Dierden, and fuck you.” Beth ends the call, and deletes the contact. Finally, she’s free of him for good. _Maybe his dick would be larger if he hadn’t crammed it all into his personality_. “Dickhead Paul.” Beth mutters, chuckling.   
“‘Ey, lady, are you okay?” Asks a woman behind her.   
“You’re damn right I’m okay.” Beth smiles, turning around to face the woman. “I’ve never been be-“

“Holy shite.” The woman exclaims. Standing there right in front of Beth was another clone- an exact copy of her, albeit more punk rock.

“Uh, hi. Beth Childs.” Beth manages, sticking out her hand.

“Sarah Manning.” The woman responds.

“Nice to meet you. This,” Beth says, gesturing to her and Sarah’s likeness, “is explainable. Uh, do you like beer?”


End file.
